#3

Hello, Media Junkies...Here we go again into the zone of my own

sick brain as we present yet another chapter of my personal opinions.

Before we officially begin, I've been asked to give some hypertext links to

some of the materials that we've discussed in past issues. These blue

thingies will instantly put you in touch with one of our two generous sponsors,

Amazon.com (for books, recordings and videos).

Powers, Tim Earthquake Weather

You just won't find a better writer out there than my pal Tim.

I'll tell you how we met and why his work is relevant to the Turtles a bit

later on.

And, I've been asked to again mention that two of my own stories appear in

anthologies currently available from the same source. They are,

Collins, Nancy and Kramer, Edward, editors

Forbidden Acts

Gilliam, Richard and Greenberg, Martin H, editors

Phantoms of the Night

It's not easy mixing rock and roll with horror and very few authors, to my

way of thinking have done so successfully.

Although the splatter-punk and cyber-punk movements of the nineties have

given us authors such as Poppy Z. Brite, Bruce Sterling, K.W. Jeter and--of

course-- William Gibson, the grandaddy of the genre, there are a few writers that

have propelled the medium to new and uncharted heights. i.e.,

Martin, George R.R.

The Armageddon Rag

Somtow, S.P.

Vampire Junction

Both of these are classics of the genre and are, in my humble opinion, not

to be missed.

AND, while you're reading, I've been cordially asked to provide information

for your listening pleasure as well, so right off the bat I feel compelled

to recommend,

The Turtles, 30 Years of Rock and Roll/Happy Together Laserlight Digital,

#15969

a true bargain if I do say so myself...5 cd's of all original mastered hand-

picked and re-sequenced by none other than Flo and Myself

and....

The Turtles Happy Together Rhino Home Video #RNVD 2000

this is the ultimate rockumentary...if you don't count Spinal Tap or the

Rutles.

More recommendations to follow.

Now, let's get down to beeswax.

After reading this column, you will never need to turn on your t.v. again.

It is with an apathetic heart that this writer bids a "Who Cares?" farewell

to Seinfeld: an highly over-rated bit of television drivel that has defined

the nineties.

Are we all so bland and noncommital that we have accepted these four idiots

into our lives as anti-role models?

Evidently so.

I'll tell you what I watch...see if you agree with me.

The X-Files....alright, I admit it, I'm "one of those people".

Chris Carter has captured the paranoid side of the anti-Seinfelders with his

dark and haunting episodes. Five seasons into the series, and I still watch

each and every episode. I must also confess to having them all on tape, too.

But don't buy the interactive cd-rom...it's a waste of time and cash.

Millenium...also from the Carter camp.

Even bleaker than the X-Files, although when exec Darin Morgan gets to pen

an episode, start up the VCR's...you're in for a rollicking good time.

South Park...I know.

Don't say another word.

Hey, just because the world at large has embraced these little bastards

doesn't mean that I can't love 'em too.

Episode #202 where Cartman's Mom is really Cartman's Dad is a stand-alone

classic. Of course, I don't have to tell any of you this.

The media has already bestowed sainthood on Matt and Trey, it's creators, as

well as many millions of dollars.

Profiler is a really good show with a lot of the spooky elements of Carter's

works without the Fox Network's bleakness. And any show that hires Tracy

Lords as a regular can't be all bad.

The Simpsons continue a tradition of excellence...

I sure wish that I could hear that familiar James L Brooks laughter that

punctuated his other fine works from Mary Tyler Moore to Rhoda, Taxi and the

first Tracey Ullman Show. That man would laugh more at the set-ups than the

jokes: a true showman and keeper of the flame.

King of the Hill...Mike Judge, You done a good thing here.

And that Beavis-Butthead money still keeps rolling in, too.

Sorry, everyone, I just can't get into Ally McBeal...been there/done that.

Home Improvement's old.

Spin City is the same show as Newsradio.

Mad About You continues to be true to itself...You either love it or you

don't.

I do. But I've always had a "thing" for Helen Hunt.

Caroline In the City, pretty good.

Soul Man, pretty bad...sorry Danny.

The Nanny's a nightmare...I think I married her once.

Dharma and Greg doesn't work for me.

George and Leo did, but it's conspicuous in it's mid-season absence...

Hi Bob/Bye Bob.

Third Rock...has it's moments, but it's pretty "over the top" for Mr. Subtle

here.

Working's not bad, but the younger savage hasn't really Met World yet as far

as I'm concerned.

Drew?...Roseanne with a flat-top.

Veronica's Closet ...doesn't grow as quickly as Kirstie's waistline.

Which leaves Just Shoot Me...

and I really like it. Call me a dope....(hey, I heard that!), but this show

rocks...wonderful casting...David Spade has found his niche, Wendie Mallick

from Dream On is delightful, Laura oh Laura...you are a dreamboat, and

George Segal is a comic small-screen surprise.

All the WB and UPN comedies are the same show.

And the dramas, ER, Homicide, Chicago Hope,etc, plug on without me as do

Dawson's Creek, Party of Five, 90210 and the young bunch of dramatic

clearasil.

Hercules, Xena, Buffy...all good for an occasional laugh.

Dennis Miller is unique and terrific.

Bill Mahar is not far behind.

Tracey Takes on... is downright fabulous/ the woman's one of the medium's

true

geniuses.

And the Larry Sanders Show will be sorely missed.

Trekers will keep Captain Janeway in the Delta Quadrant and Craig Kilborne

has already moved his dapper wit and charm to NBC.

I'm a Ben Stein fan...what can I say?

And other than that, it's Nick at Nite for me.

Whew!

There!

Now that you'll be free of the cathode ray for the next year at least, I can

turn you onto a few things that will be sure to capture your interests.

Highly recommended listening:

Eels Beautiful Freak Dreamworks

if the Beatles were now, they wouldn't be Oasis, they'd be THIS!

The driving (and probably ONLY force in this "group" is enigmatically known

"E", and as such released a solo cd in 1993

E Broken Toy Shop Polydor

also, for you real rock purists,

The Very Best of Roy Wood/through the years

and, as we speak, I am currently listening to:

The Best of Booker T. and the M.G.'s

the real groove!

Now, for more "Must-Read" anti- t.v.....

click to order,

Ellison, Harlan

The Essential Ellison

a 35-year retrospective from the voice of America at it's best

Frost, Mark

The Six Messiahs

from the co-creator of Twin Peaks and author of The List of 7

and I can't say enough about

Dunn, Katherine

Geek Love

you'll never have a good time at the circus again.

There!

Now that should keep you eddies and eddiets busy til next time.

See....?

I TOLD you this was going to be a media corner.

And a Turtle never lies.

Come see us in concert this Summer...

We start in earnest in the next week or so.

Say hi or click here to e-mail me at:

hkaylan@theturtles.com

adbb (that's from the X-Files...it means, "all done-bye bye"

Howard (Eddie) Kaylan